Suicide by train

Gosh this sounds awful. One of the first weeks at my new apartment in New York, my subway was shut down for a few hours because someone jumped in front of the subway car. I don’t know what I would have done had I seen something like that but it bothered me for days for two reasons:
1. How angry people were because he did it during morning rush hour (one woman actually said that to the cop blocking the entrance).
2. How uncomfortable I felt for days after walking through that station just because I felt like we all went back to normal too quickly!

Hope that woman is ok! While sad, another interesting look into your perspectives on life over there!

John, you got me out of bed and to my laptop before 9 am on a Saturday for this one. Public suicide is awful. (All suicide is, but we’re talking about strangers here.) Witnessing it, hearing of it, being any part of it in any way can be traumatic, upsetting, scary. You have every right to feel angry. It really is unfair that this guy affected your lives in such a way. So, anger, totally understandable.

It’s the “anger toward *physically* healthy people who kill themselves” part that bothers me. It suggests that physical illnesses are real and worthy of concern while *mental* illnesses are not. You hint that this guy should’ve considered others before he jumped, and I agree… but the problem with being in the throes of a depression, mania, and psychosis is that you can’t think straight. Maybe this guy was have a paranoid episode and believed that he was being followed, that his family was in danger, and that jumping in front of the train was the only way out. Maybe this guys was manic and was coping with racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep up with and urges he couldn’t control. A little voice might have said jump, and he couldn’t resist. Or, maybe, maybe he was very depressed and tired of fighting the anxiety, the fear, the thoughts about how worthless he was, how he made everyone’s life worse, how despite everything, he wasn’t getting better. Maybe in that second, he mustered up the energy, the courage to finally jump and relieve his family’s burden. 

I’m not saying those are great reasons or that I support suicide AT ALL. What I’m saying is – the problem isn’t that this guy wasn’t being considerate, it’s that he was probably sick enough that he couldn’t be. 

You have the right to be angry, and I get that this piece is about the tragedy of this awful thing happening and then the event going away but it making a terrible impression on you two strangers forever….

but don’t make it sound like the man who committed suicide was just some asshole doing a mean thing, because he really, probably wasn’t.

I appreciate your thoughts, Steph, and I recognize that this is how I should feel. But the violent manner in which he left this world overwhelms the empathy, compassion and pity I should feel and just makes me irrationally angry. That’s what this post is about, really, trying to sort through my own hot-tempered emotion regarding this issue. I know it’s not the right way to feel, but it’s the feeling that courses through my veins when I think about this event.

As for the line about being physically healthy, that was meant more as a caveat to the “all suicide is wrong” argument. I was thinking about terminally ill people, not trying to open a wormhole of degrees of health/mental v. physical health, etc.

Thanks for your thoughts.

I liked the one about the New Yorker a year or so ago who rescued the man who had fallen onto the tracks by laying on top of him as the subway passed over them both. When interviewed, the hero was asked why he did it. He shrugged and said, “It was rush hour, I didn’t want to be late for work.”

The worst effect is not the random witnesses but the act of forcing the train engineer to ‘kill’ you. Unfortunately, this happens on a regular basis and most railroads have automatic keave for drivers who have run someone over–they have severe guilt over it even though it’s physically impossible for the train to stop. My dad was an engineer for years and had this happen to him more than once. There’s a good documentary about it on Channel 4 that explains a lot of the issues surrounding train suicide. One Under: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/one-under/4od

This is also the reason why I hate driving on the freeway behind motorcycles–all I can think is that if they fall in the lane, I’ll be the one who runs them over and kills them. 

Hi John,  It’s been a long time since I’ve been in touch but just felt compelled to acknowledge this tragic suicide at the train station.  Our lives can change in a NY second!!! You’re right, that woman who witnessed the horrific suicide will have the etched in her memory forever!  Having known several people who have committed suicide, it appears they just ‘snap’ or they can no longer handle life and plan their exit.  Regardless, they are mentally ill. It’s is puzzling when something so tragic happens, many lives are affected, and yet life just goes right on like nothing happened.  Your feelings are YOUR feelings John and you will sort them out.  Safe travels!!!  Lovingly, Patricia

Hi everyone, firstly I would love to thank John from the bottom of my heart for being my guide & savior on that fateful day in Berlin.  I had only been travelling for 12 days of a 14 week trip & almost came back home to Australia. After a long talk & lots of help from my husband, fellow Busabout travel buddies & my UK friends I decided to push on. In my life I have had both my father, brother  & an elderly neighbour committ suicide, so it was pretty hard to process yet another one. I felt for all the people on the platform on that fateful day & from time to time I try to process the events of the day. Thankfully John you made me feel that I could move on, completing my travels & meeting many wonderful people. I am looking forward to seeing you in Australia during your visit to maybe thank you in a more personal way.

Thanks for the response, Kate. So glad you continued on with the trip so I got to know you better.